Celebration Times

Disclaimer: I'm going to apologize in advance for these pictures. Frankly, they suck. It was pretty dark in the room....and this lady was sitting in front of me with a water bottle. Half of time the camera focused on her melon head or the bottle. Good times.

Last week was Ethan's pre-school graduation. It was at Kingwood Community College of all places. The boys wore blue and the girls wore red. It was all very....emotional. I mean, it's not every day that your kid graduates from pre-k.

He was gracious enough to allow me this picture of him. Although there were about 6 thousand other parents bumping into me and running me over to get pictures of their kids.

I admit that I got a little teary eyed when they started playing Pomp and Circumstance. I have a very bad picture of him coming down the isle. I say bad because well....I only got one window of opportunity to get a snap shot before he walked by. He chose that exact time to turn around to see what his friends behind him were doing. Gee...thanks Ethan. That's a great Kodak moment that you left me with.

When he got his diploma, he was so proud. While they were introducing each child, the speaker read what they want to be when they grow up and what makes them a super star. Ethan is a super star because he's the biggest helper in the school. When he grows up, he wants to be.....wait for it.......a grown up.

Did you know that a diploma also acts as binoculars. Or rather...monoculars? Is that even a word? Get it!? Bi (2)- mono (1)...er....never mind.

Oh and he did this. I'm not sure why he was aggravating the boy next to him...but the boy wasn't thrilled to be seeing Ethan's tongue. See that guy to the left? That's Mr. Matt. Ethan's all time favorite teacher. Mr. Matt's last day at the school was this past Friday and Ethan has been having a tough time with it. I will say that Ethan was able to charm Mr. Matt though....it was sometimes funny to watch Mr. Matt glaze over Ethan's bad behavior so he wouldn't get in trouble. Sweet.

See that lady in the middle? That's Ms. Sheila. His lead teacher. She has been such a large influence in his life. This lady has a rare talent and I don't think she knows the half of it. These kids love her and well....I'm going to miss her. Ethan moves up to the last classroom in a few weeks.

So after the ceremony (which was a little long...the kids did great by the way) Ethan and Mr. Matt posed for this picture. This was right after Ethan dropped his first piece of cake on the floor. About 5 minutes later....he dropped his second piece of cake on the floor.

I call this pose "The Dreamer". Actually, I have no idea what he was doing. Well, yes I do....he was wanting me to hurry up so that he could finally eat his piece of cake (we were on the third piece by then).


Doesn't this have a dreamy look about it? And doesn't he look so satisfied after his cake?

Happy Graduation Ethan.....We are so proud of you. You're going to go on to do great things.

Soccer....The End (For Now)...

Last Saturday was the last game of the season. We arrived early and I took individual pictures of each child as well as a few groups. Amazingly, most of the kiddos were pretty reasonable. They smiled when I asked them to, they looked at me when I called their name...and they stood still! Ethan decided to go with the flow and posed for me.

One thing that I am hesitant to do is post pictures of children that do not belong to me. That being said, it makes it incredibly difficult to tell a story of the game... So, many pictures that I do have will not be shown on this website. Sorry, my five readers....if you are my Facebook friend, you can catch them there....my Facebook page is private, so I can control who sees what there.

They started the morning after my pictures with a fun game of duck-duck- goose. Ethan was smart...he'd get a running start before he tagged his person so that he was way ahead of them. I am raising a genius. My child is a critical thinker....err...well it could also be said that getting a head start is cheating.

One thing that I did notice was that his tongue was chronically hanging out each time he kicked the ball or ran. He scored 3 goals this game (well one was for the other team but he celebrated it none the less).

Interestingly enough, he was the only kid that got this excited when he scored a goal. He would actually celebrate his score. A lot. Just call him his own cheering squad. This particular shot was right after he scored a goal from the line.


This one was after he scored for the other team. See? He celebrated right along with the other team. Hey Ethan? Please don't score for the other team please, OK? Thank you.

Are you seeing a trend here? Leg extended= tongue hanging out. I love this kid.

Quick Photo Update

If you have been reading this blog for a while now, you will notice that this background with the Easter Bunny looks familiar. And while we are on the subject of the Easter Bunny, yes I know I'm a little late posting this picture.

Ethan loooooves the Easter Bunny. We patiently waited with a slew of other people waiting for their chance to take a picture with EB too. Ethan then walked up to EB, gave him a huge hug, and hopped (pardon the pun) on his lap. I'm hoping to get at least one more year next year with a picture of him and the EB, but we'll see.


But now to more important matters. My baby is graduating from Pre-K in about 10 days. I seriously can't believe how fast time is flying. One minute we were in the hospital looking at him in awe and the next minute, he's telling us "kindergarten better watch out, cause here I come".


As much as I want him to grow up, I want him to slow down too. It's a bitter pill to swallow! He's questioning things now and holding long conversations with us. It amazes me every day that he is getting so mature.

I'm not going to get all emotional today....no....I'll get all emotional on May 28th, when my "baby" boy turns 5.



You can click on the pictures to enlarge.

Ok so I Lied

Well, if you every check Twitter, you would see that a few days ago I promised to post pics of our bee drama.

Sike.

Actually, I really had every intention of putting the pictures up...because...well...you know me...I chronicle everything...the camera is an extension of my arm. But, as I was proofing the pictures the other night, I got the heebie jeebies all over again. In theory, honey combs aren't gross.

Uh yeah...until you see them up close and personal.

Sorry everyone, I can't relive that right now. I think I have PTSD. How about I tell you instead?

We noticed bees on the back part of the frame of our house a while back. Finally, I called animal control to find out if we were allowed to remove them. They referred me to a company that kills/removes bees. The genius that called me walked Jerry through exactly what he was going to do (including the chemical he was going to use).

Pardon me...is this thing on? Excuse me...can you hear me?

Sorry, I often wonder if I'm talking to myself.

Anywho.....

Since we were given the play by play of how to remove bees on our own, Jerry took that task and ran with it. We had to take board off of our frame in two parts. Then he sprayed them, pulled the hive thingies out, burned them, and had to scrub the sam hell out of the inside so that it was clean. Jerry only got stung one time.

Now I realize that I summarized this drama in like 3 lines but I promise you...it really did take longer than that in real life! In normal Mikki fashion, I hid way back with my zoom lens and snapped away to my hearts content. Far. Far. Away.

I love my zoom lens. I like to make you think I'm really up close and personal but I'm not.

What is the status you say? No more bees but the pictures scarred me for life. I may post pictures in a few weeks...once I've had time to heal. My spirit has been damaged.

Who gets bees in the suburbs!?

On a totally unrelated note...we got Ethan's graduation pictures in today and they are adorable. I still need to upload his Easter bunny picture, so I'll do that all at once. I was "doing the math" today and realized that he and I graduate one day apart. How cute is that?

I promise to get some pictures up soon. School is winding down next week FOR GOOD (thank God), so I will have more time to bore you with my endless chatter.

Except...don't act like you're bored, okay? Just smile and nod.


Sincerely,

She Who Can't Keep Promises

Thrilling Hellos and Bittersweet Goodbyes

Do you see this picture? I have tons of these over the years. It's a tradition that Ethan waits at the doors when he knows the boys have just arrived.

Then the first thing he does is hug them tight. Look at the sheer joy in his face. There is something to be said about a bond between brothers. Ethan hero worships his brothers.

Please note that I didn't get a similar picture of Ethan hugging Jacob. No, he threw a fast one on me and darted out the door to hug Jake there. I wasn't quick enough with my camera, so you'll have to trust me when I say that Jake got a hug with just as much enthusiasm.

I made the mistake of taking these photos mid-day. That's a photography no-no, but it was the best that I could do. Lets all just be happy that I got the three of them to cooperate long enough for me to get some shots.

Doesn't Ethan look so happy? He doesn't even look like he cares about the large arm draped over his head. That's how you know a kid loves his brother....the kid will let the brother lean on his head. And not get a blow in to the stomach while it's unprotected....that's what I would have done when I was a kid....

As most of my five readers know....our household (sans me) is a Tarheel household. It's was a huge deal when the Heels won the Final 4. My In-Laws graciously sent all four of my guys a championship shirt. Awwww.....they are quadruplets...but please don't tell them I said that. They won't appreciate the humor like we do.

These last pictures were actually taken at the request of my father-in-law. He wanted all of his boys in a photo with the shirts. These photos were taken about 15 minutes before the boys left to go to the airport.

It was hard to get all four of them to look at me and smile at the same time. You'd think I was asking for them to hand me their arm or something. Hello boys.....? Will one of you hand me your arm? No? Well, then will you please just look at the camera and smile? Thank you.

Originally Jake came out of the house wearing his shirt with red shorts. Yes, red. I admit...I looked at him and said my very common word....Really Jake? Really? This picture was taken while Jake went back into the house to find some shorts that matched. What is it about boys not caring if they match? I think that is the one main genetic difference between boys and girls. Ethan has this affliction too. You ought to see some of his outfits that he will put together. It makes my nose crinkle. Jake especially though, he's such a teenage boy. Clothes are just something to cover his body. That is also what makes him so cute though. errr...don't tell him I said that OK?


This is probably my favorite picture taken all week. It speaks volumes. When the boys left, Ethan wouldn't tell them bye at first. He was too upset that they were leaving. But then the waterworks started. It was one of the most heart breaking things I've been through. Normally we send him to school so that he will be distracted when they leave. Since he's getting older, we let him stay, so this was really the first time that we have gone through the goodbyes in real time.

He was bawling, which in turn made me bawl. He begged me to let him go with them. He begged me to let him go live with them. He begged me to make Daddy bring them back. Finally, we sat down on the steps and cried together. It took about 45 minutes for him to calm down but he was still sad for hours.

It's times like this that make me regret moving away from them. It's times like this that makes me feel like we made a horrible mistake. But, we'll visit that another time.

Boys, if you are reading this....we all love you so much. Ethan adores you, your dad loves you to pieces, and I love you too. We can't wait to see you again soon.

Easter Eve

Today marked day one of our Easter celebration. We packed up the kid and the puppy and headed to my parents house. Please note that huge Easter basket. Errr...thanks Mom and Dad....we now have enough sugar to last a life time. And while we are on the subject...you just think Ethan is going to get to eat all of that candy...

Oh stop...I'm just playing...or not.

They spoil Ethan. And Boo. And Jaiden. I'd like to use my indignant tone and say that they didn't do the same for us when we were younger...but they did. Easter was always fun in the Steding household. Easter egg hunts were the highlight of the day. As a matter of fact, we had huge hunts up until the day that I moved to NC. You see, there were prizes. Nice prizes. We would have a prize for who ever got the most eggs, but more importantly....there was the Big Kahuna prize egg. I remember one year vividly. My sister Angie got to decorate the prize egg. Would you like to know how we knew which one was the Big Kahuna? Because in beautiful wax script, it read "your mama bitch ass ho". Yep...I swear to you that it said that. Good times.

But now that we have kids, us adults get left in the cold. No more prize egg hunts. No more cool prizes. No more eggs that read "your mama bitch ass ho". Now the kiddos get the goods. Of course, I'm not going to say that it wasn't fun trying to whisper to your kid where the eggs were hidden. Look at Jaiden's face in this picture. She was less than thrilled to be forced to sit through another round of pictures. Her poor little head was eaten up with mosquitoes.


Sorry this picture has such a blue hue to it....I loved it so much that I figured you would forgive me...even if Ethan does look like a light smurf.

I love this picture of Ethan and Pop. They were on Pop's "ship. It took about 5 shots just to get the two of them to look at me...at the same time.

Mommy? Does this smile mean that I can eat more chocolate?

And just because I love this picture in black and white to...here ya go. I'm a sucker for a cute smile.

Wanna know what Barry looked like when he was 4? This. It's eerie sometimes, looking at Boo. If he had lighter brown hair and just a little bit lighter skin...this could be him.

See? I told you!! This picture was taken of Barry back in the 70's. No? Well it could have been Barry....I'm just sayin....

I don't have the heart to tell Ethan that he's to young to drive. Will you please tell him for me? Thank you.

The boys are here, and I did not mention them in this post on purpose. Because they are going to get a dedicated post just to them, and their arrival. I will say though...wow those kids got tall!

Tomorrow is day 2 of the Easter celebration. We'll hunt eggs here at the house and I heard a rumor that the Easter Bunny was going to be stopping by tonight to leave baskets.

Speaking of which...Ethan went to see the Easter Bunny today. We got an adorable picture of the two of them. I'll post it soon. See? I'm going to have lots to talk about in the coming days.

Sincerely,

Mom of a Smurf (that loves chocolate)

Pardon Me While I Climb Up On My Soap Box

It has seemed over the last year or so that the media is covering more and more child abductions. More often than not, they do not have a happy ending. I myself was almost a victim of an abductor when I was around 1o or 11. We lived way way out in the country. I remember this man driving up in a light colored car and called me over to the drivers side window. He told me that he was lost and was trying to find the closest store. He asked me to get in the car with him so that I could show him the way. When I told him no, he tried grabbing my arm. I shrieked and screamed and took off towards my house. The man peeled out and was long gone before anyone could find him.

Over the years, I have often wondered what happened to that man. Did he ever get caught? Were there any victims that didn't get away? How many children did he hurt?

Ethan is almost 5 years old and is the social butterfly of our family. When I think about all of the sick people out there, I know that his need to know everyone around him is both a blessing and a curse.

We have talked in the past about not talking to strangers but up until now, it has not been a large topic. Until Sunday. Sunday at the park, I took extra notice of all of the children running around while their parents were blissfully unaware of their every move. Add that to the fact that in Pet Co. a few weeks ago, he drifted away while my head was turned for 2 seconds to go look at the fish. So, this weekend I started the discussion of "Stranger Danger". We talked about not talking to strangers when Mommy and Daddy aren't around. We ran through scenarios of different ways that strangers could try and entice him into a vehicle.

It was actually more difficult than I had originally imagined that it could be. It's interesting trying to reason with an almost five year old and trying to explain something to them on their level without introducing too much unnecessary fear. In his mind, if someone lost their puppy, he should be able to get in their car and help them find it. That instilled a fear in me that I had never felt before. I wanted to immediately make him an expert on the subject of strangers.

I spoke to his school as well and found out that they are going to have a "Stranger Danger" program, where police officers will come to the school and discuss this with them.

I'm looking into this book and this one. I'm hoping these books will help me better explain the difference between good strangers and bad ones. I don't want to squelch is friendliness, but I don't want it to get him into trouble either. It's a fine line, I guess.

Bottom line...parents....talk to your kids. Sooner than later.

Boring. Random. Next Please.

I think I have figured out how to cure the drought that is plaguing us. Get a dog. Seriously. Because, as soon as we got a dog, the sky opened.

Every time we think our yard is drying out, it rains again. This past Friday night the sky even blessed us with quarter sized hail. I have pictures of it on my camera but I'm too lazy to get them off tonight.

So, because I don't have any new pictures tonight (because I'm too lazy), I'll bless you with 15 random things about me...thanks to my besty Erin.

1. I think anything from the 80's is hilarious...er...and the 90's. Particularly the 90's.
2. Some of my very best friends in the world are ladies that I never met. We "met" on a message board for mommies due in May 2004 and have been close ever since.
3. I will have my bachelors degree on May 12th and it can't come soon enough.
4. It creeps me out when I try and touch my ankles together. It's like nails on a chalk board to me.
5. The smell of gasoline is one of my favorite smells...it's right up there with Purell hand sanitizer.
6. I love to read. A lot. I mean...a lot. So much that I often can't remember the names of the books I have read.
   
7. My mom is my hero. She has no idea of the impact that she has made in my life. I should tell her. I think I will, tomorrow.
8. My sister-in-law, Eunice, is like a real sister to me. We can have a cat fight argument and make up in 10 minutes. I guess that's because she's been in my life since the day that God created the sun. Good times.
9. I love to sing. The thing is....I sound like a wounded possum. That doesn't stop me though, as demonstrated here and here. Don't say I never warned you.
   
10. I made my brother run away with me when I was about 11 and he was about 9. We got about a mile away from home and then had a come to Jesus meeting with Mom once we got home. Poor Barry. How did he survive living with me?
11. I have a serious addiction to Firey Cheetos.
    
12. Speaking of Firey. I love spicy things. That's why I love Mexican Food!
13. I'm very cold natured, much to the bemusement of Jerry. I have a heater on my desk at work and by my side of the bed.
14. I really really don't like the taste of beer. I just don't get it!
15. I wish Friends would come back on. There will never be another show as good as that one.

And there you have it, folks! 15 totally worthless things about myself.

Mikki, please shut up and post some pictures next time!

OK, OK..I was just filling up space.

Coming soon:

Pictures of the hail storm, Ethan, and of course...Butterball.

My Happy Place

When people find out that I work full time working mom, they think nothing. Millions of people do that every day, right? Then they find out that I'm in school full time and I get little head shakes with comments like "I could never do that!" or "how do you do it!?". When I add on the fact that I take (and edit) photos all of the time and blog regularly, I get asked things like "Wow, how do you find the time to do all of that!?" and the oh so common "how do you stay sane!?" It's at this point that I no longer have the energy to then tell them that I'm now a soccer mom too.

The mature, adult comment that I use a lot is "Well, effective time management is key to successful living ". (Insert obnoxious snort here).

Would you like to know the real reason I stay sane?

Television.


Sigh.

I have no idea how I would survive me hectic, stressful, often aggravating schedule without it. I DVR a LOT of television shows. Not that I get to watch them regularly, but just knowing that they are there makes me happy. I can catch with my shows whenever I need a break. Some nights after Ethan is in bed, I will watch 2-3 shows in a row.

I was counting last night to see how many shows I had saved (because at this point, I may never catch up) and I'm up to 48 shows. 11 of which are Without a Trace.

Would you like to know what's on my "record" list?

The Unit, Desperate Housewives, House, Criminal Minds, Bones, Big Bang Theory, One Tree Hill, Medium, Castle, The Mentalist, Life on Mars, Flashpoint, Monk, Fringe, Boston Legal, Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, and Numbers.

I just counted 18 shows that are currently recorded on my DVR. Some of them are not even on the air any more.

This is a good time to mention that yes, I do have a life. I do read books, I do play on Facebook, I do spend a lot of time on the weekends out in the yard and at the park, and I do spend a lot of quality family time doing family type things.

It's nice to know that when I do have a few minutes and I'm on the elliptical, that I have something good to watch.

Honestly, I can't imagine a time when I'm actually caught up. But, my shows are my way of blowing off steam with a mindless activity.

Television keeps me grounded to reality. It's my "me" time. So, when I'm not at work, not doing homework, not being a mom, not blogging, not randomly Googling things, not catching up on my message boards, not reading, not doing family type things...I'm usually watching TV.

Hey, at least I'll have something to watch over the summer while all of the shows are on hiatus.

Oh, and while we are on the subject of TV, Steve Wozniak makes me giggle on Dancing with the Stars.

Good times.

Confession Friday

OK it's been a while since I came out of the Hannah Montana closet so I thought maybe it was time for another confession. I was sitting here thinking to myself "Self, it's time you shared again". Now, for those of you that really know me, this will come as no surprise, because by now..well..you are used to this affliction I have.

Here goes:

I have a serious aversion to voice mail. Voice mail gives me hives. Unless I'm at work really trying to get a hold of someone, I will not leave one. My opinion is that caller ID is the new voice mail. And since we are talking about this aversion, I can honestly tell you that if you leave me a voice mail (work excluded), there is a 99.9% chance that I will not listen to the message. This is a quite common conversation:

Me (thinking to myself glancing at the phone): Oh, So and So called.

I dial So and So

So and So: Hello?

Me: Hey, I saw you called.

So and So: Oh, I left you a message, didn't you get it?

Me: Yes, but I didn't listen to it. I just figured I'd call you back instead.

So and So then has to repeat the message.

This is also where I tell you that I clear out my voice mail messages in bulk...about once a week or every other week. I just scroll through them (not listening to them, mind you) and delete them all at once.

Wait a minute, now that I think about it...this is really rather clever. It's a great time management tool. After all, I could lose about 5 minutes a week just listening to messages only to have to call the person back anyway. I should actually market this theory. People NEED me! I could save them about 4.5 hours a year of wasted time.

This theory does not, however, apply to my work. I could only be that lucky...Well, it does sometimes...I do sometimes just call the person back when they call. But work has an advantage...I get my voice mail emailed to me. Nice.

Moral of this Story: Don't leave me a voice mail...I promise you, I probably won't listen to it.

Hello...my name is Mikki.....and I delete voice mail without listening to it.

OK, I will be able to sleep tonight now that I got this off my chest. You have no idea who much this has been weighing me down. I mean, there are people out there that actually think I listen to their messages. It has been a horrible burden I've been carrying with me. Well, not really but that did sound good, didn't it?

Sincerely,

Serial Voice Mail Killer

Puppy Love

It has rained for 4 days straight. We finally get a puppy and our back yard floods. Good times. So, we have spent a lot of time inside, trying to entertain ourselves.

Does Butterball look tired to you? Does his eyes looked a little glazed over? That is what happens when an almost 5 year old meets up with a 12 week old puppy. Tonight, they chased each other with a ball to see who could keep it the longest.

It was hilarious actually. Both Butterball and Ethan were having a blast. The world was a better place while I was watching.

But just a few minutes later, this is what I found. One wiped out puppy. Hello? Butterball? Can you hear me? I'm sorry Ethan wore you out. Well...actually, no I'm not.

Of course, while Butterball was snoring, Ethan must have been getting into some chocolate ice cream. He does look satisfied, doesn't he? Poor Butterball just couldn't muster up any enthusiasm for the impromptu photo shoot. Ethan stepped out of the box though and actually suggested that I get some pictures of the two of them.

Ethan? Please don't eat the dog while he is too tired to defend himself. Thank you.


Having a puppy has actually been pretty fun. Although, I get really suspicious when he gets quiet. Except for when he's passed out from exhaustion from playing with Ethan. Then the quiet is satisfying.

Because I know the two of them have found a best friend. Each other.

Tongues and Puppies

I noticed something interesting this weekend. Every time I turn around, I notice how much alike Ethan and I are. You see, when I was in high school and on the dance team, I had an affliction. I could not dance without sticking out my tongue. It drove my coach to distraction. This affliction never went away. When I am concentrating on something I still stick out my tongue. And so does my soccer ball kicking son. So, as I am snapping pictures of the game this weekend, I noticed a trend. When he runs or kicks, his tongue is hanging out of his mouth. It's humorous actually, because I see myself in him.

See? All he is doing is running...about to kick the ball. I wonder if this is genetic.

Ethan? Hello, son. Sticking your tongue out will not make the ball go further. Thank you.

And now, I would like to introduce you to the newest addition to our family. Everyone, this is Butterball. Butterball, this is everyone.


The interesting thing is that it was Jerry's idea to adopt Butterball (formerly known as Buster). Butterball is a rescue puppy that we adopted from Pals for Pooches. He and his brothers and sisters were dumped by loser and they were rescued. Let me just tell you how stunned I am that we now have a dog. Jerry has always been adamant that he does not want any more animals, so imagine my surprise when he pulled into Pet Co. so that we could go look at the rescue dogs. The first dog we wanted needed to have another dog in the house so we couldn't adopt him (we had no intention of getting 2 dogs).

But then we went to the other Pet Co. and found this handsome fella. Ethan fell instantly in love because apparently he looks just like the puppies in the movie "Snow Buddies" and "Rocket Ship Buddies". That's also where we got his name. Butterball is a movie star.

Another interesting note is that they were featured on our local news here. Oh and also here. Butterball is the spunky puppy barking throughout the story.

Jerry and Ethan are also in the local paper! Just click here and scroll through the pictures. Butterball's name was Buster when we first adopted him.

He fits right in. Ethan and Butterball are already best friends. They nap together and even drive around the yard together. It's essential that any pet of ours loves to ride shotgun.

A Long Time Coming

Disclaimer: Serious post Alert: This post is not about my past per se but about a song that had a profound impact on me.

When I was a teenager, I used to write. A lot. I had a lot of things on my mind, and writing was an outlet for me. The older I got, the less I wrote…and then I discovered blogging. I first created my blog to use as an avenue for family to keep up with us, or more importantly, to keep up with Ethan.

Then one day I realized that I had more to say than just regular updates about the family. I got more into photography too and decided that my blog would be more about random musings from me. I would write whatever was on my mind that day. Mostly it is a story revolving around pictures I took, but every once in a while I like to veer off the beaten path and write about something random. That’s how I roll. Just when you are lulled into a false sense blasé blah updates, I mix it up.

Today I’d like to talk about a song; or more specifically, a particular song that had a very big impact on me. Music has always spoken to me but one song hit me in the stomach when it came out and spoke to me in ways that no song had ever spoken to me before. 

It was 1989 and I was an angst ridden teenager. The song was by a “Hair Band” that had pretty shallow music for the most part. I remember when it first came out; it immediately took me back to my much younger years and brought feelings to the surface that I spent many years trying to squelch. When a song like that comes out and speaks to you like that, it evokes feelings that you have no control over. I often wonder if other people have had a song make that much of an impact on them.

House of Pain-  Faster Pussycat: Release date September 6, 1989

Let’s skip to years and years later (i.e,. about a month ago). I was browsing iTunes for music to add my iPod and decided it would be great to have a playlist of all the music I loved to listen to in my teen years, music by Poison, Warrant, Skid Row, Europe, etc. Then I ran into this song, so I downloaded it without even listening to it.

Driving home about a week ago, I was listening to the songs and House of Pain came on. I hadn’t heard it in forever; seriously it had been since I was in my teens. As I was listening to the song, it immediately took me back again. I once again identified with the young child that was working through feelings that I couldn't explain and had no control over. It said things that I used to think. I called my mom and we talked about how one song could still make me sick to my stomach...thinking of myself in much younger terms and trying to deal with something that I had no way of understanding. Honestly, it brought back feelings that I had since forgotten (or at least moved on from) and made me bitter all over again.

OK so the song is written from the perspective of a little boy, but really it applies to any young child that lost contact with a parent.

[Song]

It's a little past supper time

I'm still out on the porch step

Sittin on my behind, waiting for you

Wondering if everything was all right

Mama said come in boy

don't waste your time

I said I got time, he'll be here soon

[Me]

I used to do that. I used to sit around wondering if everything was OK and thinking that my dad would call or I would see him soon. I didn't understand the dynamics of what was going on. One day he was there and the next day he wasn't. A 7 year old child doesn't have the capacity to understand something like that. They think it is their fault or they blame the other parent.

[Song]

Five years old and talkin' to myself

Where were you? Where'd ya go?

Daddy can't you tell?

I'm not tryin’ to fake it

And I ain't the one to blame

No there's no one home

In my house of pain

[Me]

This part of the song was so significant for me because I didn't know where he went. I didn't know why I couldn't be told. And I did blame myself. Imagine living this and then a song comes out years later that was your life. Imagine the impact that the song would have on you. It really is profound. Even today.

[Song]

I didn't write these pages

And my script's been rearranged

No there's no one home

In my house of pain

Wasn't I worth the time

A boy needs a daddy like dance to mime

And all the time I looked up to you

I paced my room a million times

And all I ever got was one big line

The same old lie

How could you?

[Me]

I did feel like my whole life was being re-written. Of course, when you are 7, you think of it in much simpler terms. I tried and rationalize what I did know - that was he was gone and I must not have been important enough to come and see.

[Song]

I was eighteen and still

talking to myself

Where were you? Where'd you go?

Daddy can't ya tell?

I'm not tryin to fake it

And I ain't the one to blame

[Me]

This was me too. I was literally 18 years old and still didn't know the answers. By then, Pop was in my life and I saw how he was with his son who did not live with him. I saw him struggle through fighting the battle of remaining in his life..I saw him refuse to give in... and then I knew. It was a choice. At that moment, I let go. I quit being angry and accepted it for what it was. Life. It is what it is.

I still cannot listen to it without going back. But I do from time to time because it was part of me. It still is. Because, even though I did move on and I did "forgive"...I can never ever forget.

Soccer..Take 2: Humble Bombers

As you know, last year we attempted to play soccer. We knew it would be a risk, because Ethan was only just under 4 years old, but we tried anyway. As it turned out, the soccer field was a great place to do things like donkey kicks, picking flowers, observing people in another field, and getting tangled in the net. We decided after about his 3rd game that maybe we'd just try again next year.


Fast forward to now. He's now just under 5 years old so we thought it would be a good idea to try again. Kind of like the Little Engine that Could...we keep trying. Except, this year it turned out to be a fabulous idea. He decided that he adores soccer. At least for now. Thankfully, he has the same coach that he had last year.

Not everyone on his team loves soccer as much as he does. One little boy in particular down right hates it. And lets everyone know it. Ethan didn't hate it last year, he just found donkey kicks to be much more entertaining. As you can see, he now doesn't get why the little boy doesn't like it. He just stares at him and keeps going.


He is also the biggest kid on the team. He's a giant compared to the other little guys. They are the same age and Ethan just towers over them. He's not old enough yet to enjoy it...enjoy looking down on people. I hear it's a great feeling. Personally, I can't vouch for that since I'm vertically challenged.

This little boy is Ethan's age too. He's a quick little bugger. I blacked out his face because well...he's not my kid and I can't say that I'd be happy to find Ethan's adorable face gracing someone else's blog without my knowledge.

I decided on Saturday that although it was in the 50's and freezing cold...(OK for you Northerners, just keep on reading...no smart comments....that is cold in Texas...Besides...it was very windy and that makes it even colder. I tell you, I couldn't even feel my hands) that watching Ethan play soccer was the highlight of my day. Because even though he scored 2 goals for the other team....he scored goals!!!! He did score one for his own team, which they were very grateful for, I might add.

Once he actually got into the game, he was on fire. He only came out a few times to sit in our laps and get warm...in the middle of the game....But, as soon as we reminded him that his teammates needed him, off he went again. No prodding, no making him play, no forcing our will on him...he loves it.


Yes, I think it was a very good choice to let him try again this year. No more donkey kicks so far, but we did get a whole lot of smiles like this one. Show off...