Oh. My. God. What WERE You Thinking??

Over the last couple of days I have been looking through old pictures. Many of them were so outlandish that I had to scan them and share them with the world...because, that's what people do when they have a passion for any type of photography...right? It led me to a 2-day project of scanning in various pictures from back in the day. Some of the pictures deserve to have their stories told...I mean...well...you'll see.....

Back in the late 80's I discovered the most awesome band ever. I thought nothing of the fact that they wore more makeup and hairspray than I did. Who is the band you ask? As if you have to ask, right? Poison.

Poison was my first ever concert. My cousin Chris took me and my cousin Missy to see them in South Carolina when they were touring with David Lee Roth....and so began my obsession with everything Poison...I will proudly admit that I have seen them in concert 5 times. Although, I'm sure you couldn't just have guessed that by the sheer volume of Poison posters behind me.

My dad (Pop) is an amazing wood worker (is that what they call people that like making things with wood? Wood worker? Wood artist? Wood maker?). He would make me random Poison things. See, dads do that kind of thing. Even though he thought the music was like listening to wounded cats screeching....he humored me.

The picture above makes me giggle now. Back when it was taken, I thought I was the coolest teen in the small town of Hitchcock. It's funny now looking back...as different as I was from the rest of my cowboy boot, MC Hammer Dookie pants wearing friends....it didn't matter. And yes....I did succumb to the Dookie Pant craze...but hey....please don't tell anyone, OK? I mean it.....I really don't want that to get out. People would think I was weird or something.

Around my freshman year of high school I started to morph into more of a girly girl. Well, as much of a girly girl as I could be. I still don't understand the art form called shoes. I moved from a head of "frost" (of which turned florescent green by sheer accident one day by making the intelligent decision to go swimming right after I had it done) to what can only be described as tidal wave hair. Hold that thought...I'd like to discuss my green hair for a bit if you don't mind.

Even as much as I loved Poison (and yes, that was the color of my new hair), I didn't love that I had bright green hair. I'm about to disappoint you for a moment by telling you a little known fact. If you don't like to be disappointed....please skip this next part...OK? No? Well don't say I didn't warn you!! Did you know that vinegar does NOT work on everything as you may have thought? I'm here to tell you that I was extremely let down when, after 5 bottles of vinegar, (and smelling like a horrid pickle) that I still had green hair. My green hair slowly faded. That was also about the time that my sister Angie and I had the bright idea that a frosted hair-do would look fantabulous with a "bowl" cut. No, please don't shake your head at me.....I'm serious. I proceeded to let her stick a bowl on my head and make 4 perfectly shaped bowl layers in my head (sorry, I just love making up words...that should be a word..so from this day forward....fantabulous is a word....at least on this blog it is).

We proudly went to display her artistry to my parents and bless their hearts.....they held it together. Of course, the "I'm so sick to my stomach that I'm about to throw up; how COULD you do that to your hair??" look totally gave them away. I have to give them props though...they only did things like make us walk ahead of them at the mall....We laugh about it then but a bowl layer with frosted florescent green hair wasn't exactly the thing back then.

OK back to the tidal wave hair. That was a true art from in and of itself. I mean...you had to get it to perfectly flip back while remaining smooth in the front despite the can of hairspray that you had to use to keep it from moving. I still giggle when I see the one above. Don't you just love how it drops off to the right? It's like a wall or something.

It was so stiff and high that while I was on the dance drill team called the Swingerettes, I had to wear my hat toward the back of my skull. The tidal wave wouldn't give an inch. I'm ashamed to admit (not really, I think it's pretty funny...but work with me here) that I was convinced that my hair style was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Really. I mean it.

Lets move on, shall we? I'd like to discuss the next picture. The helmet head picture. Correction, the tidal wave helmet head picture. Pardon me while I say something to myself....

Self, what WERE you thinking? I mean, really? really?? Come ON. And what's with that inch thick makeup that you allowed to be caked on by a country bumpkin of a hair dresser (the same one that did the helmet tidal wave hair)?

Did you know that the entire day of my Senior pictures....my hair didn't move once. Not once. This is one of the times that I think...of all of the pictures taken throughout school...this one is going to live in my year book forever. People (myself included) will look at this picture, shake their heads and giggle.

Would you like to know something? After that hairtastrophy (get it??) I never went back to a country bumpkin stylist. Ever. Again.

And lets not even get me started on my caterpillar eyebrows.



But you know what? All of these pictures are great memories because they tell a story of a happy teenager. A teenager who's parents let me express myself freely. They didn't understand my obsession with everything Poison, or my weird taste in jackets....but they let me get through that phase on my own. They let each of us express our individual personalities with our clothes, music, and lets not forget....our interior design talents.

Mom and Pop,
I'm not sure how I ended up with such great parents, but thank you. Thank you for letting me be weird. Thank you for letting me figure out on my own that green hair wasn't "the thing". Thank you for making me into the person I am today. A person that doesn't look back on these pictures and hide them in shame....but one that is confident enough in herself that she can laugh at them with fondness as she shares them with the world.

Sincerely,

I Really am Normal Now. Really. Well, Mostly...

See what happens when you visit my blog??? You get random tidbits into my life....things you may or may not have even wanted to know. But now you do.

Control

Internal strength is something I've always prided myself in having but one of the things that I do struggle with is the need to control every aspect of my life. I need to know that I'm in the drivers seat to my future and I need to be in control of situations that I find myself in.

I've always been the type of person that needs an outlined path for my life. I need structure, consistency and to overall be in control of my life....and I can't say that I like change. I've never handled it well when my life gets off track or takes a detour. It throws the balance of my life off.

As I've gotten older I've gotten better control of it but when life throws me curve balls I still struggle with staying on my path. I have learned to repeat to myself "it is what it is" and for the most part it works. But I'm not entirely sure that I will ever fully know how to stay on my course when life throws those curve balls at me. Some people thrive on curve balls and even like them. I don't. If I could have a map of my entire life, that would suit me just fine. I don't like surprises or feeling like I have no control of a situation that I'm involved in. Now I'd like to make it clear that when I talk about control, I'm not talking about controlling people. It's not that kind of control. It's about being in control of my life, what happens to me and the situations that may involve me.

So, I guess the question for the day is....How do I stay on path when life decides to change my plans? I don't know that I'll ever find the answer but just acknowledging that I don't love it when I'm not in control of my life helps some.

Strike a Pose!

This past weekend I went to see my BFF Erin. She is seriously one of the closest friends I've ever had and I wish we lived closer together. But....while I was there we did a photo shoot starring...ME! I'm always the one behind the camera so this was a blast.


I think I look like my mom here. Every once in a while I will see one of my facial expressions and think....I can totally see my mom! Dontcha think?

I do believe that this one is probably one of my favorite pictures. Although, I'm not sure I look very curious...I think I might look like I'm pondering something....

Wanna know a secret? This one was all about the shoes. What better way to show off sassy red shoes than to stick yourself in front of a cool wall???

Most people that know me, know that I'm not one that loves 'scenery" pictures. I'm more of an urban type...(note my cool backgrounds and wall color)...however....there's something to be said about sitting on a tree trunk that is bigger than you are.

We found this abandoned old gas station that was right up my alley. Do I look like I could be part of Charlie's Angels? I think I armed that gas pump pretty darned well if I say so myself!

Doesn't this just scream danger?

Erin threw this one in there because she loved the candidness of the entire thing. I'm sure she said something very witty that made me lose my concentration and crack up. She had this thing about not stopping the shoot even though I decided to break pose. Hmmpphhhh Erin....please quit shooting me when I'm not in character. Thank you.


I think she is a wonderful photographer and even more....she's a wonderful friend. We had so much fun together...catching up....and getting lost. Yes...just so everyone knows....she's as bad as I am with directions. But....she gets lost even with a navigator...I do believe that means that she takes the cake for the directionally challenged. Erin, sweetie, you know I love you! :D

Sincerely,

She Who Hasn't Updated this Blog in Like....Forever

PS- New pictures of Ethan coming soon!

Click here to see more of Erin's photography

Life....It's a Circle

Ya know, one of the few memories I have of my young childhood was when I was 7 years old. We were living in Smithville, Texas (yes...the same place where they made "Hope Floats"). I was going through this phase in my life where I was freaked out about death. I would lay in bed at night and freak out at the thought of my mom dying. One day I decided to write a letter to God. Honestly, I don't even remember what it said. Would you like to know how a 7 year old thought that God would get his letter? If I buried it. What? Really? Yes...I know....and I have no idea where I came up with that. But that's what I did. I buried my letter in my front yard in Smithville, Texas.

About a week later, I decided to see if God read my letter....because surely if he read it then it would be gone, right? I dug up my little spot to find that my letter was still there. I think I cried for an hour. I remember feeling very lost, thinking that God was ignoring me.

Now that Ethan is getting a little bit older, he is focusing a lot on death. He wonders when he will die, if Jerry and I will die before he does, if ninja's can kill him, if Butterball is going to get sick and die like Petre did, if NeeNee and Pop are going to die before he is (because they are already so old...lol..OK I know this is a serious topic but he asked me this weekend how they got to be so OLD).

Anywho...watching him question life like that brings me back to when I was younger. I remember feeling like he did. Feeling like there were more questions than answers. And we can try our best to answer him in a manner that he understands but at the same time puts him at ease instead of scaring him..but I'm wondering if that's just a right of passage for a young child. To question life. I hope that we are doing a good job making him feel at ease and letting him know to live life to the fullest.

OK, I know this is short but it just had me thinking...oh, and I'm going to try really hard to get back in blogging on a quasi regular basis. Promise....mmmm'kay?

Lost and Found

It's been a while since I've posted. I've been somewhat on a self imposed sabbatical but today something came to the forefront that I decided it was time to write about. Well, a couple of things triggered it but I'm not sure if we'll cover it all in one day.

Back in high school I had 3 best friends. Josh, Tiffany, and Erica. I'm going to talk about Josh today because you see....Josh and I didn't meet on the best of terms. I'm not sure how we became friends, really. We didn't run in the same crowds. We didn't have the same likes. We didn't see eye to eye on many issues. But we did click.

One day, I believe I was a Junior.....this punk Sophomore walked into the classroom. He informed me that I was in his seat. I remember just looking at him and smirking. I may have made some witty comment but I don't remember. What I do remember was him mumbling under his breath as he walked away "bitch". I found that to be hilarious. I was not the mean type, and I did not pick on him. We went on about our daily lives.

Fast forward a few weeks (maybe months):
I had signed up for drama and was in the play The Outsiders. We had cast just about everyone, but our drama teacher was having a hard time coming up with a lead that could play the character of a "square" and pull it off. Just about that time, I glanced into the hallway and saw Josh walk by. My eyes lit up and I thought (out loud) "oh he's the perfect asshole!!!!!" I'm ashamed to say today that I did go out into the hallway and drag Josh into the classroom (in front of everyone), by his ear....and exclaim to the teacher, "See, doesn't he just look like an asshole?" I do think I remember him calling me a bitch that day too.

And that my friends was the beginning of a long friendship.



Josh was not like my other friends. He didn't like the parties that we went to. He didn't like most of my friends period. He was in the band. He liked video games. He was a self proclaimed computer nerd. We never did figure out why we were such good friends. We just were. We were inseparable. My friends Erica and Tiffany accepted him and they became friends with him too. I would drag him to all of our parties and try and make him like my friends, thinking that maybe he would enjoy high school a little more if he just went to more parties.

Josh hated Hitchcock. He hated most of my guy friends because they tormented him growing up. But he went to the parties because I wanted him to go. I found out years later that he only went for me. People used to whisper about Josh and me. They would pull me aside and ask me what was really going on between us. I would just smile and say nothing. Because that was the truth. I loved Josh like a brother. I saw something in Josh and I think I wanted to fix it.

I saw how unhappy he was and I wanted to make it better. I saw what a good person he was and I wanted everyone else to see it. I saw the good in everyone else, and and I wanted HIM to see the good in everyone else. I just wanted to fix what was wrong between him and Hitchcock.

Yeah, that didn't happen. But, we had fun!

Our senior year was the best. He was drum major and I was in cheer leading.



Then my high school boyfriend happened. He hated Josh. Then Josh's High School girlfriend happened and she hated me. And then he moved away to Austin to go to College.

We lost touch for a while and I felt like a piece of me was missing.

But when we finally did re-connect, we met up at the beach one day and stayed up all night out on the jetty's talking. We managed to get a couple of years squeezed into one full night of just sitting there listening to the waves hit the water and catching up.

We did manage to keep in touch from time to time and every time we spoke it was like we never lost touch. Josh toasted at my first wedding. Of course, who else would do it?

Tiffany and I made a weekend trip up there to see him before I moved away to NC and had the most fun weekend. Thanks Josh.

Josh then met the love of his life and got married. Her name was Amy. We mostly lost touch after that and I didn't make it to the wedding. We talked two or three times after he got married but then I heard through the grape vine that his wife passed away. And I felt like the most horrible friend that ever walked this Earth. I never met her. I wasn't there for him through the sickness. I wasn't there to talk him through it (if he needed it).

I made brief contact with him after wards to tell him how sorry I was but really what could I say? Well we spoke via email today and got more in depth. I can only offer to be there for him now if he will let me in whatever capacity he needs me....an ear....an email....a phone call.....he's traveling the US trying to find peace, and right now, I pray to God that he finds it.

My heart aches for my childhood friend. I pray that he can begin to heal.

How I Got into Photography

When Ethan was about 4 months old, I started talking to a friend of mine that was telling me her love for photography (black and white film to be exact). She used to have a business in NY and missed it.

Well, being a new mom, I was in love with the idea of offering my child up for practice. I agreed to buy all of the film and she'd show up and shoot. (Pardon my head on the below pic, when I was transferring it over, it made it look weird....).

She shot tons and tons of rolls and I fell in love with every one of them.

It was amazing to me how she could capture his eyes in a black and white photo!

This is one of my all time favorites that she took. It won a photo contest too. I had a series of 3 similar ones matted and framed.


As soon as I saw them, I was hooked. Jerry got me my first Minolta Maxxum SLR camera and I've been at it ever since. These were my first attempt at black and white film photography.

Personally, I don't think I did a bad job. Actually, looking at them makes me want to shoot more film.

There is something timeless and elegant about a black and white photo.

Note to self: Self, you need to get back into black and white film photography.

A Dedication Post

Dear Ethan,

It seems like just yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital. You were so tiny but you filled up such a large spot in our hearts.

You were such a good baby and I loved your squeezable cheeks.

You were the reason that I got into photography. I just didn't want to miss a single moment of your life.

You were baptized in Gram's church, and while the church is no longer there, it will be forever in our hearts.

You and your cousin Chas were just like brothers from the very beginning. You loved each other one moment, and the next...you were stealing his binky.

We lived each day thankful that we were blessed with you.

And when you turned one, we couldn't believe how fast the time went.

Our little boy was already discovering that he loved balloons.


You spent a lot of time going to your brother's baseball games.


And you were thrilled with the very first swing that you got.

Your brothers were your hero's, and while you loved to annoy them, they took it with grace...because they love you.

You certainly loved your babies and didn't spend any time without them.

And as you got older, your personality blossomed into one that made us smile every day.

I can't believe you are now five and will be starting school in a couple of months. I hope that one day when you read this....

you will know just how much we love you. I hope that you will never doubt how much we adore you. You are going to go on to do great things and it makes my heart swell just thinking about the wonderful little boy that you have become.

I love you.

Happy Birthday, EE.

Here is one of the video's that I made a few years ago.

Please Forgive Me for Being Absent.

Errr...yeah...I realize these are weeks late but I figure you'll forgive me. Things have been a bit hectic around here. So most of you know that I'm now done with school for a while. I finished my Bachelor of Business Administration and since then I've just taken a break from everything but books. I've been catching up on lots and lots of books that I've put off reading for pleasure.

These pictures are horrible and I almost didn't post them but then I decided that I'd post them anyway. We started Ethan's birthday by taking cupcakes to his school and had a great surprise! Mr. Matt, one of Ethan's all time favorite teachers was there! We snapped a picture of the two of them.

That weekend, we had his real birthday party at Bounce City, an inside inflatable jump place. We had his birthday there last year too. I love his face in this picture.

This is probably my favorite picture of the day. Even though it's blurry, it cracks me up. Do you see how they are holding hands?

These are two of Ethan's team mates and lemme tell ya, he was so happy to see them. They are brothers. Aren't they cute?

They ran around non-stop. Last year, we made the horrible mistake of not bringing drinks. They didn't have drinks for while they were playing and boy did we regret that. This year, we we brought a whole cooler of water and juice.

Since I couldn't give him his cake and take pictures at the same time, my friend Robin took him the cake. We forgot his candle but I don't think he even noticed. As soon as he saw it was a Spider Man cake, he was thrilled.


He had a great birthday. Great friends + fun presents + yummy cake = one happy five year old. I'm still planning on doing a dedication post for his birthday. That's coming up soon.

And since you've been so patient with me, I thought I'd throw in a few of my favorite recent pictures of Butterball. Butterball got neutered several weeks ago and we had to put one of those RCA dog collars on him. Remember the RCA cartoon dog? That's all I can think of when I see this.

Of course, Butterball was not as amused as I was. Actually, he down right hated it.....but how can you resist a face like this?

Celebration Times

Disclaimer: I'm going to apologize in advance for these pictures. Frankly, they suck. It was pretty dark in the room....and this lady was sitting in front of me with a water bottle. Half of time the camera focused on her melon head or the bottle. Good times.

Last week was Ethan's pre-school graduation. It was at Kingwood Community College of all places. The boys wore blue and the girls wore red. It was all very....emotional. I mean, it's not every day that your kid graduates from pre-k.

He was gracious enough to allow me this picture of him. Although there were about 6 thousand other parents bumping into me and running me over to get pictures of their kids.

I admit that I got a little teary eyed when they started playing Pomp and Circumstance. I have a very bad picture of him coming down the isle. I say bad because well....I only got one window of opportunity to get a snap shot before he walked by. He chose that exact time to turn around to see what his friends behind him were doing. Gee...thanks Ethan. That's a great Kodak moment that you left me with.

When he got his diploma, he was so proud. While they were introducing each child, the speaker read what they want to be when they grow up and what makes them a super star. Ethan is a super star because he's the biggest helper in the school. When he grows up, he wants to be.....wait for it.......a grown up.

Did you know that a diploma also acts as binoculars. Or rather...monoculars? Is that even a word? Get it!? Bi (2)- mono (1)...er....never mind.

Oh and he did this. I'm not sure why he was aggravating the boy next to him...but the boy wasn't thrilled to be seeing Ethan's tongue. See that guy to the left? That's Mr. Matt. Ethan's all time favorite teacher. Mr. Matt's last day at the school was this past Friday and Ethan has been having a tough time with it. I will say that Ethan was able to charm Mr. Matt though....it was sometimes funny to watch Mr. Matt glaze over Ethan's bad behavior so he wouldn't get in trouble. Sweet.

See that lady in the middle? That's Ms. Sheila. His lead teacher. She has been such a large influence in his life. This lady has a rare talent and I don't think she knows the half of it. These kids love her and well....I'm going to miss her. Ethan moves up to the last classroom in a few weeks.

So after the ceremony (which was a little long...the kids did great by the way) Ethan and Mr. Matt posed for this picture. This was right after Ethan dropped his first piece of cake on the floor. About 5 minutes later....he dropped his second piece of cake on the floor.

I call this pose "The Dreamer". Actually, I have no idea what he was doing. Well, yes I do....he was wanting me to hurry up so that he could finally eat his piece of cake (we were on the third piece by then).


Doesn't this have a dreamy look about it? And doesn't he look so satisfied after his cake?

Happy Graduation Ethan.....We are so proud of you. You're going to go on to do great things.