Monday, January 18, 2010

Life....It's a Circle

Ya know, one of the few memories I have of my young childhood was when I was 7 years old. We were living in Smithville, Texas (yes...the same place where they made "Hope Floats"). I was going through this phase in my life where I was freaked out about death. I would lay in bed at night and freak out at the thought of my mom dying. One day I decided to write a letter to God. Honestly, I don't even remember what it said. Would you like to know how a 7 year old thought that God would get his letter? If I buried it. What? Really? Yes...I know....and I have no idea where I came up with that. But that's what I did. I buried my letter in my front yard in Smithville, Texas.

About a week later, I decided to see if God read my letter....because surely if he read it then it would be gone, right? I dug up my little spot to find that my letter was still there. I think I cried for an hour. I remember feeling very lost, thinking that God was ignoring me.

Now that Ethan is getting a little bit older, he is focusing a lot on death. He wonders when he will die, if Jerry and I will die before he does, if ninja's can kill him, if Butterball is going to get sick and die like Petre did, if NeeNee and Pop are going to die before he is (because they are already so I know this is a serious topic but he asked me this weekend how they got to be so OLD).

Anywho...watching him question life like that brings me back to when I was younger. I remember feeling like he did. Feeling like there were more questions than answers. And we can try our best to answer him in a manner that he understands but at the same time puts him at ease instead of scaring him..but I'm wondering if that's just a right of passage for a young child. To question life. I hope that we are doing a good job making him feel at ease and letting him know to live life to the fullest.

OK, I know this is short but it just had me thinking...oh, and I'm going to try really hard to get back in blogging on a quasi regular basis. Promise....mmmm'kay?