I'm Allergic to Sad Movies

I'd like to preface this post by saying that if I hear a movie is a tear jerker, I will not watch it. I'm a firm believer of happy, predictable Hollywood endings. I want the warm, fuzzy, ooey, gooey feeling at the end. What movies have I not seen? The Notebook for starters. A few people told me it made them cry and I ran for the hills. The Pursuit of Happiness is another movie that I refuse to watch. The previews just look like they would make me bawl.

There are three movies that I have watched that have made me bawl. I'm talking curled up and sobbing so hard that I get the eeps. The eeps you ask? That's when you start making that weird eep noise because you can't catch your breath when you are sobbing.

Sling Blade. That was the first movie that had me crying so hard that I couldn't catch my breath. It was however so good that I called my mom as soon as it was over to tell her that she HAD to watch it. She didn't sound so convinced though because I was still bawling while I was telling her she had to see it. I was bawling so hard that I couldn't get my words out. I cried for a good 30 minutes, and to this day I won't watch that movie again.

A Walk to Remember. Now, this is that cheesy movie that has Mandy Moore in it. She has cancer and falls in love....The night that it made me hysterical was about the 100th time that I had seen it. Yes, I had gotten a little teary the first 99 times that I saw it but (and I'm not sure this one counts because I was pregnant and totally hormonal) I vividly remember how wired I got. It was the middle of the night and I was laying in bed crying so loud that I woke Jerry up. My pillow was soaked, my blanket was soaked, and I got the hiccups. My nose was all stuffy, my eyes were swollen....and Jerry wakes up. He calmly looked at the TV and then looked at me....and had the nerve to ask "haven't you seen this movie a thousand times already?" I did not appreciate him acknowledging the fact that I was a blubbering idiot but since he went back to sleep, I forgave him.

I lasted almost 5 years without seeing another movie that would drive me to wanting to curl in a corner in the fetal position while I got dehydrated from all of my blubbering. Then last night happened.....

The Bucket List. Oh man!!! This movie had me laughing the entire time up until the end. Then the end happened and I felt the tears welling up. They started off normal enough but then I started sniffing and here it came....I was crying so hard that at first Jerry thought I was laughing. When he realized I was again SOBBING he asked that redundant question that I can't stand hearing when I'm upset..."Are you OK?" That just made me cry even harder and all I could say is "This is SO sad!!!!!" This lasted for 10 minutes. Then when it was over, my nose was stuffy again, my eyes were swollen, and I called my mom again. Yes, I was still bawling and she found this hysterically funny. I found myself bawling and laughing at the same time. When it was all said and done, my sinuses were clear. We did both agree that it was a darned good thing we hadn't seen the movie at the theater.

I'm glad I can laugh at myself. This should get me through another 5 years before that happens again. So, since I laid it all on the line, please let me know if there is a movie that will make me cry...so I can avoid it like the plague. Thank you.