Wednesday, June 16, 2010

How Did I get Here?

The last several months have been rather uneventful outside of Ethan. My life has been as follows: work, family time, school, sleep...repeat. And while it's easy to get sucked into life and let the little things get by, there are 5 things that keep me grounded....and he's all boy.

Of course, I constantly worry that he's going to bite his tongue off one day. Ethan? Please put your tongue back in your mouth before you give me a heart attack, OK? Thank you.

I never thought of myself as a soccer mom...I moms drive mini vans. Why is that I wonder? Before I had E, I had a fantabulous Mustang. Mustangs have magical powers by the way....they make you feel young. Oh wait...I was young. Sorry. That doesn't count. Right before I had him we took the plunge and decided to get a mini van. I must have known that I was going to be a soccer mom. Of course, looking back, I clearly remember bawling when I was turning my keys over. I've decided that moment must have been my rite of passage....crossing over from the young carefree Mikki to the responsible Mikki that has a child.

I love both versions of me for different reasons. The young Mikki moved across the country by herself to experience something new. Well...I say by myself but what I really meant to say is that Mikki and her cat moved across the country. Can we have a side bar for a moment please? Driving 1200 miles with a cat that that has never traveled is enough to put you in a shell shocked fetal position in the corner. I'm not kidding. No, I mean's enough to give you chest pain.

Sorry, I digress. Anyway....the young carefree Mikki was raised by the strongest person I know. The young carefree Mikki was a very self confident girl that had to hit some road blocks and detours before she found her way.

But the moment I traded in my Mustang for a mini van, I knew it was time to adjust my priorities. Don't get me wrong....I wasn't mourning that change, I was more or less preparing myself for the new path I was about to a mini van.

And just between me and you.....part of my sobbing hysteria was quasi because of our salesman. Have you ever been around someone that got on your nerves so bad that you would rather listen to nails on a chalk board? Barney Fife was trying to sell us a vehicle. So I admit....Barney Fife and my hormones made it just a little harder to give up my Mustang.

But when I started to get to know the responsible Mikki, I came to realize that I really liked her. I mean....she does have a shining smile and charismatic personality. What? You mean it's not OK to toot your own horn? No? Sorry...I do that sometimes. Seriously though...I always secretly wondered if I was ever going to be able to put someone else first. Was I ready? My mom always told me that I could never understand unconditional love until I had a child. She told me that I would gladly lay down my life for my child. Young carefree Mikki was never able to wrap her head around that. I always thought that there must be some kind of special club for people like that.

But she was right. The very first time that I set eyes on E, I knew I was admitted to the secret club. The responsible Mikki came forward in such an effortless transition that I never even realized it was happening. I like her though. I don't think that responsible Mikki would be half the person she is today if she hadn't first been young carefree Mikki. I don't feel like I missed out on things because I became a mom before I had the chance to live. I did that. I will never have to wonder what it would have been like to stay out all night dancing with my friends.....I will never have to wonder what it was like to sneak into a club with a fake ID. For the record....knowing what I know about that.....I'm not sure how I'm going to adapt and stay sane when E gets that age. I'll never have to wonder what it would be like to go straight to work with no sleep because me and my friends were out all night...being young.

Yes, I can say with certainty that the phases in my life transitioned with such good timing that I got to know myself and I like who I am. I look back on my life have no regrets. I've been the fun loving teenager that thought of nothing but the next football game....I've been the 20 something young woman that maybe drank a little too much sometimes....and didn't always make the best choices. I've been the 25 year old woman that knew it was time to say goodbye to her Mustang in order to start down the path to that of being a mom.

Are there memories that I look back on and cringe? Sure. Are there memories that I look back on and giggle? Absolutely. Are there memories that I wish I could go back and live again? Of course. But I am who I am today because of who I was yesterday...and the day before. Wow...that started out almost sounding like a wise Mikki. It's been an interesting journey but I had a blast getting here.

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